There's this thing floating around Twitter known as "Calling Out Black" where people call out of their jobs for the day due to the societal pressures from being black. My aunt calls it a mental health day. I do the same.
With the news of Sandra Bland, coupled with a lot of other similar events going on, being bombarded with all this murder and injustice is traumatizing. Sometimes I dread coming to the mall, considering my place in all this chaos. In fact, people who know me know I'm not a gamer, but I've been taking Xbox side at work just to play Minecraft, grabbing the attention of little excited kids who want to play as well. Seeing little Black kids playing Xbox is a joy, but beyond the little spurts of Black happiness and Black love, everything else in the mall is annoying and frustrating and, well, stressful. It's hard to tell whether customers are rude because of casual racism or not (or maybe because we're a kiosk), but either way, I've learned through my retail experience that people aren't that pleasant to be around. Especially people who feel entitled.
In order to deal with my stress, I've decided to back away from topics on racial discussion on social media. In real life, the conversations can be quite informing and affirming. But in cyberspace, I've decided to back away from it. Interestingly enough, a lot of my favorite people on Twitter have done the same. We pull back not because we don't care, but because its important to take care of our minds as well. Its irresponsible to digest and digest more and more of the videos, the violence, the injustice, the hate. It does something to the psyche.
It is now where the topic of healing spaces is important. What can we do to help our minds heal? Where can we release this tension, this frustration, this anger.
For me, I've reinvested myself back into my writing. Instead of working on my screenplays, I started reading and writing again. I took it upon myself to reread Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's "Apollo", published in the New Yorker not too long ago. The short piece was a very quick read, but captivating nonetheless. I've also started on a few short story pieces, one of my favorites being "One Stop On the Way to California". Again, I wanted to capture an Edward Hopper-esque vision of solitude. I wanted to be the microscope focusing on intimate moments where either everything has been said, or nothing has been said at all.
With "California" I've envisioned old basketball players, two lovers, and a nice bowl of much-too-spicy chili. It was inspired by this painting I saw and a poem called "Basketball Player" by John Updike. I can also say Chicago inspired me. Chicago will probably inspire a lot more as time goes on.
I didn't watch the Sandra Bland video. I could hardly look at her mugshots without cringing. Writing as a form of release is important as I take care of myself. Putting my energy into this world-building, scene-setting, and characterization has taken me away from the police brutality, subtle racism, and the gross images often appearing on my timeline. Besides, I need to work on material if I plan on releasing "Cape Cod Evening and Other Stories" sometime next year.
I know I'll find myself back on the scene. My Twitter will once again be fueled with social justice tweets and organizing. I'll be reading more about the election and policing and political policy. But for now, I have worlds to build and people to make.