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Twenty Out.

At the time I'm writing this sentence, I have forty-three minutes until the calendar date of my birth. I don't know the exact time, but, irregardless, I'll be 21 in a matter of minutes.

19 was lit. Or at least the last half of it. I went to concerts and New York like it was nothing. I saw FKA Twigs, Florence and the Machine, Lissie, and more. It was an amazing time.

20 was.....whelming. The first quarter meshed with the greatness that was 19, and then everything post-August felt like a blur. Life was okay, I've done a few exciting things - like meeting Marc Lamont Hill and Jill Stein - but overall, it was stale. Oh, and I went to Chicago. That's a big one since I fell in love with Chicago. Otherwise, 20 was what it was.

I lost my aunt Katie last year in November just a day before my little brother's birthday. I still remember the funeral; her honor. She lived an impactful life. I went to so many funerals this year, I kinda don't want to get any older than 23; just enough to be grown, but young enough to be youthful. I was in my room listening to Ellie Goulding when I got the call. That whole weekend felt...disturbing. So much death. So much loss. 

The better parts of this age was spring semester where I started having fun with friends staying out late and doing things grown folks in TV shows seem to do. In a way, 20 was everything it should've been; 19 was a hard act to follow. 

Jack is still sitting just as it was a long time ago. I haven't written any fiction in a while; mainly focusing on poetry and non-fiction writing. But I do plan on working immensely on that since the story was so good. My poetry feels more free; less conformed. I get to do with it what I want and that's all I want really, freedom. 

Tomorrow, when I'm actually 21, I'll write about my goals and what I'm looking forward to as a 21 year old. For tonight, 20 out!

tags: happy birthday to me, birthday, 20
categories: Thoughts
Sunday 05.15.16
Posted by Jeremy Collins
 

Now That I'm Twenty

I've been having headaches wrapping my mind around the fact that I'm 20. It just seems surreal that my teenage years are actually behind me, and that I'm now two decades old. This year has been an exciting one, and adulthood has actually been quite a liberating experience. I don't feel bound by the same impoverished mentality that seemed to trap me. Life has been good. 

What's getting to me is the crushing feeling I'm not doing enough. I'm just living. Because I changed my major to screenwriting, I haven't done an internship or seriously networking within the screenwriting community. I just exist; that's not productive.

Now that I'm twenty, I really need to get on my grind. It's time I start submitting work to literary magazines. It's time I seriously work on Jack. It's time I start reading a book a week and really indulging in my craft. The sandglass is permanently tipped against my favor as I feel the wrinkles forming in my brow (slowly of course, because I'm black). I'm not getting any younger, and thus, must use my time wisely. The thought of publishing a book before I get my degree doesn't have to be so far fetched. At least not as far fetched as actually getting justice in this country.

tags: aging, quarter life crisis, happy birthday to me, writing, pressure, anxiety
Monday 05.25.15
Posted by Jeremy Collins